


close your eyes, so that i can breathe (and say we have something)

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Body Worship, Internal Conflict, M/M, a bit of angst, a bit of humor, not nsfw tho dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 06:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: '“There’s nothing you should be… apologizing for,” Minhyun interrupts, and a part of him is in disbelief he’s trying to comfort Woojin into doing something like this even though it was Woojin’s idea in the first place and Minhyun was genuinely willing when he’d agreed, but the bit of guilt still makes his gut slightly uncomfortable, feeling almost like he’s trying to coerce Woojin into doing something even though that’s not the case at all.'Where Woojin has a fascination with Minhyun's body.





	close your eyes, so that i can breathe (and say we have something)

**Author's Note:**

> yo what's with me, hwangcham, n body worship

_start._

* * *

Woojin doesn’t know when his fascination began. Perhaps it was just because of the fact that the agency managers asked all the hyungs to do something to spice up their concerts (although to be fair, it’s not like the request was anything big, because they’d already been kind of doing that) -- anything short of outright stripping, they’d said.

Well, surely that didn’t exclude the idea of _stripteasing._ It just solely depended on how much clothing was being shedded and how you went about it. Woojin has seen Minhyun’s bare back several times before. It was nothing special to see him or the other hyungs or even someone like Guanlin walking around the dorm shirtless, whether because they’d just rolled out of bed, taken a shower, or it was too hot. Woojin has done a little bit of thinking and maybe it was because he’d never seen Minhyun’s bare back under stage lights, where every single shadow and ridge is highlighted, magnified, sharpened so that he could essentially see the entire build of Minhyun’s back down to every single dip and rise just from standing a meter or two behind him.

Perhaps it was that initial experience, coupled with the way Minhyun had slipped out of his shirt, undoing the buttons elegantly and easily as if he’d done this sort of thing in front of thousands of people multiple times before, that caused Woojin to pay much closer attention to his hyung than he’d ever before.

It started with small things. Minhyun was very willing to take Woojin for piggyback rides around the living room--maybe he even enjoyed doing so--and when he did, Woojin would press the flat of his palms against Minhyun’s collar and his chest, feeling the firmness of his flesh and the shape of his body underneath his own hands. He didn’t think anybody noticed his eagerly roaming touch, not even Minhyun himself. It was just Woojin being clingy for that moment, something very usual and not at all suspicious.

But besides that, there was very little opportunity for him to actually touch Minhyun, past getting the occasional hug that he would have to keep optimally brief because he was terrified of making things awkward. So just to satisfy his curiosity, he would look much more often -- stare at Minhyun’s body when he thought his hyung wasn’t looking, gaze flitting up and down the length of his torso, studying the way his ribs would slightly jut out and the way the muscles in his back would contract and relax whenever he raised his arms above him to stretch.

Inwardly, Woojin thought he was weird. It’s not very normal to be so fixated on someone else’s body, he thought. He didn’t know why he was like this either. Could it possibly be because he subconsciously wished to have a body like Minhyun’s? Could it possibly be because he found Minhyun’s body -- no, maybe a better way to say it would be because he found the way Minhyun’s body looks and moves attractive? But could it also possibly just be because he found Minhyun physically attractive? Or maybe emotionally attractive, and that’d somehow bled into his physical appearance? Woojin remembers that Jihoon once told him, in one of his very rare bouts where he actually is able to produce something intelligent out of his mouth, that the more time two people spend together, the more attractive they find each other.

He guesses that Jihoon’s words have truth to them, because in all honesty, Woojin hadn’t been very close to Guanlin at all in the beginning and actually found him a little bit scary, but now he likes Guanlin very much and finds his slightly intimidating aura charming.

Does that mean he finds Guanlin _attractive,_ though? Or is it just that they’d become friends after having to live with each other for so long?

But the difference between Minhyun and Guanlin, Woojin figured, already weeks into his new fascination and already weeks past the stage of thinking that he was creepy for suddenly liking Minhyun’s torso so much, is that at the end of the day, the friendships he has with the both of them are very different. He will throw biscuits at Guanlin without warning and Guanlin will catch them with his mouth (most of the time, because sometimes Woojin purposely aims them directly at Guanlin’s forehead just to secretly punish him for confusing all of their socks again when it was his turn to do the laundry), but he won’t throw biscuits at Minhyun -- no, he will probably feed them to him, or it is much more likely that Minhyun will end up feeding them to him.

“Puppy love,” Jisung had cooed from across the dining table, a dopey smile on his face, when he saw Minhyun sticking a biscuit in between Woojin’s lips. “How cute.” Jisung’s eyes had crinkled up further than the standard crescents that appeared whenever he smiled -- they were now full-on crescent moons, and Woojin was a burning ball of embarrassment, denial, and disgust at that moment.

Minhyun didn’t seem to be at all fazed, however. He just laughed softly in that very classic and attractive way he laughs as he ruffled Woojin’s hair and rubbed a palm on his shoulder.

“If anybody’s cute, it’s Woojin here,” he’d said fondly, and Woojin swore that if that sentence had come out of anyone’s mouth besides Minhyun, he’d have grabbed a handful of biscuits from the tin on the table and thrown them in their face.

Jisung’s grin just widened--his eyes were almost becoming slits now--and continued to observe.

Sometimes Woojin thought it was a very stupid hobby of his. But it seemed that at least the affection part of his relationship with Minhyun was a mutual thing. Minhyun seemed to enjoy hanging around Woojin as much as Woojin liked hanging around Minhyun. Even despite the difference in age, Minhyun knew how to laugh and have fun like the childhood friend everyone idolizes.

Woojin doesn’t even know how in the world he worked up the courage to get to where he is right now. He’d been too scared of ruining the relationship they had now to say or ask anything directly to Minhyun, but in a momentary lapse of judgment, he’d asked something that he thought shouldn’t ever come out of his mouth.

It was only them in the living room at the moment, because Minhyun insisted on watching another one of those over-dramatized crime shows that he loved but everyone else found a little bit too predictable, and it was no surprise that the only gullible and chummy person that would be willing to watch it with him without any sort of bribery was Woojin. He’d been resting a hand on Minhyun’s chest--that’s it, only one hand--and at this point both of them were comfortable enough with the idea of Woojin touching Minhyun in generally unconventional places that Woojin didn’t have to awkwardly half-hover his hand.

Somewhere in his mind he’d drifted far off from whatever was happening on the television. Boring programs do that for him all the time. He had somehow revisited the memory of the first time he saw Minhyun shirtless beneath the stage lights, probably just because Minhyun was sitting next to him and Woojin really didn’t have anything else he wanted to think about at that moment.

That memory for him is powerful enough that even though when it’d happened Woojin only really saw Minhyun’s torso for about a solid two seconds before having to tear his attention away, it still replays in front of his eyes.

And then after for who knows how long, Woojin had been shaken back to reality when Minhyun shifted his position to bring his feet up onto the couch and cross his legs. Woojin’s hand automatically curled into Minhyun’s chest, almost grabbing onto his shirt. It was an instinctive action, Woojin didn’t really mean to do it, but when he blinked the remnants of his interrupted memory out of his eyes and saw his hand and then Minhyun’s questioning face, his mind instantly assumed that he should explain himself instead of sheepishly laughing it off.

“Can I touch your chest?” Woojin blurted out, his mouth much, much, much further ahead than his conscious, and it was sure taking a very long time for it to catch up.

“You kind of already are,” Minhyun replied. He glanced down at Woojin’s hand before his eyes flitted back to Woojin’s face.

“I mean your chest, and like, the skin and stuff.” See, when a mouth operates without a brain, the things it says aren’t necessarily in the most efficient and eloquent manner. But the meaning was already out, and Woojin’s conscious was finally making its way up to his mouth and grabbing it by the shirt collar and throttling it.

A pause afterwards and Woojin, his mind at last caught up, immediately grimaces, the exact face he makes whenever he comes across one of Guanlin’s smelly sock piles. “N-No-- I mean--” He meant exactly what he said, but he just didn’t mean for it to come out. “I’m a dumbass,” he hisses underneath his breath. That hadn’t meant to come out either, but it still did.

Minhyun found amusement in Woojin’s painful discomfort. If he were talking to any other person at the moment he’d try to be a little more passively-aggressively sadistic and try to make them wriggle before giving his answer, but Woojin already looked like he was past wriggling and more so right about to self-combust.

“Okay,” Minhyun said, not a beat off.

“Huh?” Woojin gasped, sucking in so much air at once that he almost chokes himself.

“I said okay,” Minhyun repeated.

“W-What?”

“I said _okay,_ Woojin.” Minhyun’s mouth curled up into a smile that would look gentle to anyone else, but to Woojin it looked expectant and a little bit corny, as if Minhyun had rehearsed his reaction even before Woojin knew he was going to ask.

“O-Oh…” Woojin whispered. He stared at Minhyun’s face for a second, and in that second he swore that Minhyun’s smile grew even cornier--if that was even possible--before he’d turned away and reattached his focus to the television.

That’s essentially how he ended up here, right at this moment, coupled with the fact that he had to muster up the courage to ask Minhyun. “You know, that thing… the thing that I asked you when we were watching TV… can we do-- that happen-- like, uh--” There was only four of them in the dorm at the moment, and the two others besides them were napping.

“Okay,” Minhyun replied, the exact same way he had last time. For a moment it seemed like uneasiness flashed across his face, and Woojin wondered if he was making a mistake right then and there, but his doubts were pushed to the back of his mind when Minhyun turned away and began to walk down their hall.

Woojin sits on the edge of the bed, his knees and calves tucked underneath him as he watches Minhyun take a seat not too far from him. He tries to swallow the lump that’d risen in his throat. He doesn’t understand why he’s already sweating and the blood is already beginning to rush in his ears when Minhyun hasn’t even done anything but _sit down._ His eyes go wide and his breath stops for a few seconds when Minhyun curls his fingers around the hem of his shirt and begins to lift. Woojin stares, frozen in place. If his gaze weren’t entirely trained on Minhyun’s torso, he’d notice that Minhyun had turned his cheek away.

“Do you want me to… ah… lay down?” Minhyun asks, his voice softening, not exactly looking Woojin directly in the eye.

“Uh--” Woojin blinks rapidly, losing focus for a moment. “O-Okay, sure…”

He watches Minhyun push aside the pile of blankets on the bed and lower himself down, shifting his shoulders into a more comfortable position. Woojin’s mouth has suddenly run completely dry, and swallowing is vaguely painful.

“Go ahead,” Minhyun says, quietly, when Woojin still hasn’t moved.

At the moment, Woojin isn’t even sure he can go through with it. Of course, this is something he’s wanted to do for a long time (but truthfully, he’s never really come to terms with it until now), and Minhyun is strangely willing, but the idea of _what’s going to happen?_ pops into his mind. How’s he going to deal with all the awkwardness? What if Minhyun is embarrassed? Or more like, what if Woojin is embarrassed and he says something weird or his touching makes Minhyun uncomfortable and then that’s the end of everything? Woojin couldn’t bear to ruin the stability of his and Minhyun’s relationship, not only because he’s going to have to live with Minhyun for almost another entire year, but also because he likes his hyung. _A lot._ And Jihoon would likely somehow manage to bully the reason out of Woojin as to why all of a sudden him and Minhyun aren’t so close or willingly touchy anymore.

He’s sitting there, staring down at his lap as his thoughts brew in his mind, unaware that he’s already making things a bit awkward by forcing Minhyun to wait in both confusion and mounting embarrassment. If Woojin were even a bit more perceptive than he usually is, he’d notice the tension in Minhyun’s face, the slow bobbing of his Adam’s apple when he swallows, and Woojin’s attention is only diverted from his own swimming thoughts when he feels the mattress shift and Minhyun’s sitting up, looking at him directly.

“Do you want to do this?” he asks, voice quiet, trying his best to keep his tone mellow and controlled.

“Y-Y-Yeah,” Woojin stutters out after a couple of seconds of blinking panic. “I-I’m so-- I did-- Should-- Sor--”

“There’s nothing you should be… apologizing for,” Minhyun interrupts, and a part of him is in disbelief he’s trying to comfort Woojin into doing something like this even though it was Woojin’s idea in the first place and Minhyun was genuinely willing when he’d agreed, but the bit of guilt still makes his gut slightly uncomfortable, feeling almost like he’s trying to coerce Woojin into doing something even though that’s not the case at all.

Woojin’s not entirely oblivious and wallowing in his own world, though. Hanging around Minhyun for so long has allowed him to get used to picking up mood changes from his hyung easily, and just glancing at Minhyun’s face and seeing the pressing of his lips lets him know that Minhyun’s beginning to blame himself for something.

That’s one of the last things Woojin wants to happen--for Minhyun to feel hurt because of Woojin’s silly and selfish requests and actions--and this is enough for him to suck up enough courage within himself to crawl forward. Once he approaches Minhyun, Woojin doesn’t even lay a hand on him, but it’s like he’s pressing on Minhyun’s chest anyways, because Minhyun immediately lays back down.

Woojin feels the blood rush underneath his skin, and his face begins to burn while the back of his neck flushes cold. He long ago couldn’t look Minhyun in the eye for more than a moment, but now he can’t at all, not only because of nervousness but also because he’s staring down at Minhyun’s bare chest. It shouldn’t even be that hard for him to touch Minhyun, because after all, he’s done it plenty of times before, but certainly never in a situation like this, and never with Minhyun clearly knowing his motive.

“Go on,” he barely hears Minhyun whisper. Woojin does his best to respond with a shaky “okay”. It’s the least he can do.

The first touch of his palm against Minhyun’s pec makes him feel like his hand momentarily burns, but it fades into a comforting warmth beneath his skin. If he focuses hard enough, he can just feel barely feel Minhyun’s heartbeat. But he’s still too unnerved at the moment, and he’s unable to notice just how quick the pounding in Minhyun’s chest is.

Woojin’s immediate urge is to become overwhelmed with simply how _much_ he’s able to explore, because Minhyun’s basically said there’s no boundaries, no excuses and lines Woojin has to skirt behind in order to justify his want to touch Minhyun’s torso. But he bites his lip and forces himself to slow down, and firstly that means _calming down,_ so he takes in a deep breath.

His movements were clumsy, but going slower remedies some of it as he focuses on applying just a bit of pressure with his palm, Minhyun’s skin firm against his touch, and when he pushes more, he can feel the solidness of bone.

His hand moves over, and he’s so nervous that his fingers are skipping because he doesn’t want to touch Minhyun in any way that would make him uncomfortable; in fact, Woojin’s even afraid to go any lower than his pecs, but Minhyun’s quite still, not the frozen kind of still that happens when he’s very tense, but the relaxed kind of still that implies he’s comfortable in this position.

Woojin has to lean over a bit to touch the other side of Minhyun’s chest, and he almost topples over. In any other situation he’d laugh awkwardly, but no sound comes out of his voice now. He silently adjusts himself into a more stable position, hand lightly resting on Minhyun, before his fingers move again.

The only source of light in the room is the natural daylight that manages to slide its way through closed curtains. It’s bright enough that Woojin can clearly see around him, but not so bright where it casts harsh shadows and reflects spots in his eyes if he stares at something for too long. It’s just perfect enough for him to see the exact colour of Minhyun’s skin and the lines and curves that make up the form of his body and the light shadows that occur with every rise and dip in his flesh and muscle and bone. Woojin stares at where Minhyun’s sternum is, eyes trailing over the ridges of his ribs, and he briefly wonders if he’s allowed to touch with two hands, but he’s already doing it without even making the conscious decision. What he sees and feels beneath his hands is polarizing compared to what’d initially started his fascination. The stage lights are harsh and blinding, nothing like natural daylight. The emphasis they made on every single deviation on Minhyun’s skin is, of course, what drew Woojin’s eyes to Minhyun initially, but being able to see everything up-close, clear, and much more _real_ than contrasting colours and intense lighting makes him feel like that there’s more than just a shallow curiosity and physical admiration for Minhyun’s body.

He dips his fingers in some of those shadows, palms resting neatly next to each other. Woojin can feel those ridges against his hands, not only his fingers. He trails his fingertips over the course of one shadow, before running his fingerpad over a ridge; and he continues like this, until he’s traced every one of Minhyun’s ribs.

Minhyun sometimes briefly trembles when Woojin touches a new spot, not in way where he’s squirming, more like he was anticipating Woojin’s fingers there, but no amount of preparation would ever prepare him for the actual thing. Woojin always hesitates when he sees goosebumps begin to dot Minhyun’s arms and feels a slight tremble beneath his hands, but just like Woojin forced himself to be gentle and slow, Minhyun forces his reactions down just as fast as they rise.

To be truthful, it’s not just having someone touch him in a new way and in new places that’s making him react like this--as if he’s waiting for a verdict that could make or break his entire life--much of it is comforting, warm, and if not for the butterflies fluttering in his gut he thinks he could completely relax his body.

Maybe it’s just because the way Woojin is touching him isn’t at all harsh, and if his movements are firm, they’re applied with the kind of soothing pressure you’d experience from someone hugging you; but for some reason, there’s more than just comfort that’s factoring into Minhyun’s enjoyment.

His eyes are nearly closed. He can’t see Woojin except for a vague outline at the edge of his vision, but he can feel Woojin, not just from the altering pressure of his hands that send occasional tingles through his limbs, but also just his presence, right there next to Minhyun, heavy enough that it’s quite obvious Woojin is there, but also light enough that Minhyun isn’t suffocating at all. He, in fact, enjoys it -- enjoys it more than just the typical kind of contentedness he gets from having Woojin near him when they’re eating together or dancing together or shopping together…

Woojin has made it down to Minhyun’s abdomen. The flesh is firmer underneath Woojin’s hands, obviously overladen with muscle, but if he moves his hands to Minhyun’s sides, his body softens. It’s just a perfect balance of harsh and gentle, Woojin thinks. He runs his fingertips all over the ridges and dips of Minhyun’s abdomen and traces the jutting of Minhyun’s hip bones with a pair of thumbs. But once he’s done so, he stops suddenly, blinking, feeling like he just got hit with a wave of consciousness that’s dragged him out of that trance of fascination he’d been in while exploring Minhyun’s torso.

With his hands resting on each of Minhyun’s hip bones, he glances up, and Minhyun almost looks like he’s asleep, except Woojin can tell that his eyes are just heavily lidded. But he’s looking up at the ceiling, not yet having noticed Woojin’s halt.

Woojin doesn’t know if he should go lower, or if he even _can_ go lower. Sure, the wonder deeply embedded in him was mainly for Minhyun’s torso, but surely he isn’t not at all curious about more of Minhyun. It is, after all, that pair of long legs that hold up the hip bones Woojin’s hands rest on that support that fascinating form of his torso, and then there’s Minhyun’s neck and that face that the fans never stop screaming over, but it’s a face that can drown the screams out of Woojin’s ears and then all he can hear is himself and Minhyun.

He absentmindedly runs his thumbs over the skin just beneath the waistband of Minhyun’s pajama pants, not quite registering what he’s doing, but the fact hits him just as Minhyun trembles, his eyes widening immediately as he lifts his head and stares at Woojin, sucking in a breath so short he nearly chokes.

“Oh f-fuck, hyung, I’m sorry--” Woojin blubbers out, retracting his hands immediately. Minhyun, as always, recovers from his shock quickly, and he lets out a deep breath as he raises himself on an elbow and grabs at Woojin’s wrist with his free hand.

Woojin immediately freezes, closing his mouth and swallowing nervously.

“I-It’s fine,” Minhyun manages to say, albeit still a bit shaken. “You just surprised me, that’s all…” His voice trails off, and for several moments there is nothing but a thick silence between them, Woojin unsure of what to say and Minhyun taking too long to gather and sort his thoughts.

“Do you want to touch my legs too?”

Woojin forces himself to swallow the lump in his throat, but his throat is way too dry at the moment. It’s almost painful, and so instead some kind of pained grimace forms on his lips.

Minhyun rises fully to a sitting position before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up. Woojin watches him as he goes.

“Another day, then.” He grabs his shirt and turns, purposefully facing away from Woojin. A part of him feels momentarily guilty for such a sudden action that probably comes off as cold, but the natural instinct to protect himself overrides it easily.

He can’t let Woojin see how bothered he is, easily noticeable from the rising heat at his cheeks and temples and the tenseness in his jaw, because not only is it embarrassing he is reacting this way, but reacting this way shouldn’t have been an option for him in the first place.

* * *

Minhyun’s excuse is that he was flustered, which in all seriousness isn’t much of a lie or a cover-up at all. Woojin seems to shy away from the idea of ever touching him again, but Minhyun can still see that he wants to in just the hesitant way he eyes him whenever they’re alone, like he wants to ask that question and is so close to doing so, but there’s just one palm of doubt that applies enough pressure to keep his mouth shut.

Truthfully, Minhyun wants to ask Woojin if he wants to do that again, not just because he knows that Woojin wants to, but also Minhyun himself liked the feeling of Woojin’s hands on him. When you have someone’s hands right up against your skin, and you can feel their presence and their intent and their affection just from a touch, it’s almost an unreal experience.

And, not to mention, Minhyun had gotten enjoyment out of it in a way that makes his insides crawl with shame. He will probably never admit it to anyone besides himself, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t indulgent -- and besides, isn’t it indulging for Woojin too?

Nobody was harmed by that little pastime of theirs.

One afternoon, Minhyun is heading into his room for a nap after having taken a shower--it’s one of the rare blocks of free time he gets, and he plans to use it in the most efficient way possible--and he walks in, still toweling his hair and humming, before he hears footsteps behind him. Turning around in surprise, he sees Woojin trailing after him, a couple of meters away, a far enough distance that he could give up whatever intent he had easily and walk the other direction like he’d forgotten where he was going, but close enough that it might or might not seem like he needed to approach Minhyun for something.

Minhyun doesn’t even need to ask what Woojin wants. To be frank, he doesn’t want to either. “How’s that piece going along?” he asks, casually, turning back around and continuing to towel the last bits of moisture out of his hair. He hopes Woojin can pick up on what he’s thinking.

“O-Oh,” Woojin begins, just a bit taken aback, but he recovers himself easily. “It’s alright, but Jaehwan-hyung thinks the bridge is too boring.”

“Do you trust his opinion?” Minhyun asks, jokingly.

“He’s probably going to be the one singing most of it.” Woojin shrugs, already sliding onto the mattress and sitting with his legs crossed before Minhyun’s even bothered to toss his towel into the laundry pile in the corner.

“So that’s a reluctant ‘yes’.” Along with the towel, he almost drops the undershirt he’s wearing in the laundry pile as well when he takes it off. It would’ve been a shame if he did, because it’s been newly washed, but he realizes what he’s doing in time and instead sets it on the dedicated pile of his casual clothing atop the chair next to his bed.

Woojin even looks expectant with the way he’s sitting, body leaning forward just slightly and hands placed on his knees. Minhyun doesn’t know if he should lay down again or not, so he just sits down next to Woojin carefully, looking at his hands in front of him. His gut is already churning with anxiety about what he should be doing next.

There’s still a couple beads of water sliding down the back of Minhyun’s neck. He doesn’t feel them until Woojin’s wiping them away.

That’s how it starts, with Minhyun staring down at his hands in his lap and Woojin absentmindedly threading his fingers through the hairs at Minhyun’s nape, gradually moving closer until he can easily wrap his arms around Minhyun if he wanted to, one leg draped over Minhyun’s lap and the other behind Minhyun leaning against his back.

Just based upon the way Minhyun is slouched, it creates folds and creases in his body, not very much in an attractive way, and nor does it allow his entire torso to be on display, but Woojin doesn’t mind at all. All that matters is that he gets to touch and that Minhyun at the very least isn’t uncomfortable. He’s actually far from it, but Woojin is too oblivious at the moment to bother to notice.

The second time is much easier than the first, although Minhyun pays more attention to keeping himself as still as possible. He feels that since Woojin was so physically close to him, he would notice any small tremor or shift in position. But it’s difficult to stay completely still and not tense up your entire body, so Minhyun finds himself giving up halfway through, and instead lets himself react as he wants. When Woojin puts a warm palm on his bare shoulder, he automatically presses just a fraction closer, and when Woojin traces his collarbones with the tip of his index finger, he allows that small shiver to briefly run up his spine.

Soon enough, Minhyun feels drowsiness begin to tug at his eyelids. He doesn’t want to fall asleep, but he’d been tired in the first place, and Woojin with his warmth and his calming touch doesn’t help at all in keeping him awake. He’s become much too relaxed. He wants to say something, that maybe they should stop so he can take his nap now, but his mouth doesn’t seem to want to move and for some reason the words feel selfish to him.

It doesn’t matter anyhow, because Woojin’s not oblivious enough to be completely unaware of Minhyun’s drowsy and relaxed state. “Hyung, go sleep if you want,” he says, quietly, a hand on Minhyun’s shoulder. His eyes blink at Minhyun, a bit curious, although Minhyun is still staring at his hands so he doesn’t notice.

“Go sleep if you want,” Woojin repeats. It takes a second time for the words to get through Minhyun’s stream of consciousness.

“Okay,” Minhyun replies, a yawn breaking his voice. He scoots backward, pulling his legs up onto the mattress and lays down, shifting his position a bit for comfort.

But he doesn’t really expect Woojin to crawl to his side, wrap a hand around his wrist, and ask, “Can I?”

Minhyun almost replies asking what in the world Woojin means. Thankfully, he’s conscious enough to understand what Woojin’s implying. “Yes, of course,” he hums, turning onto his side. Although Woojin faces Minhyun’s back when he lays down, he still gets to throw an arm over Minhyun’s torso and feel a hand grab onto his before he blinks the image of Minhyun’s still-damp hair away from his vision and instead focuses on the calm rhythm of Minhyun’s steadying breath while letting himself slip away from consciousness.

* * *

There’s always the lingering question of what this means as far as their relationship goes. Surely it’s not normal to be giving your friend rub-downs while he’s half-naked on the regular, but at the same time the both of them are unsure if their motivation and intent is for something emotional, romantic, physical, or even just simply to satisfy curiosity.

Sometimes when Woojin is hovering above him, running his hands lightly over Minhyun’s ribs, Minhyun follows Woojin’s face with his eyes, entertained at how focused Woojin is. He thinks that if he just sat up he could easily kiss Woojin like that with no hesitation. Just one action is all it takes, and even if he had regrets midway through he couldn’t stop himself in the middle even if he wanted to.

Sometimes when Woojin is sitting there, knees balanced precariously on either side of Minhyun’s stomach, the balls of his feet digging into the mattress and his hands splayed flat on Minhyun’s chest, he looks down at Minhyun below him and notes how relaxed he is, not a single tense muscle in his face and his breaths steady and even. Woojin thinks he could lean down just like that and kiss Minhyun, maybe not on the lips, but surely on his cheek, his forehead, his nose, or his brow. Would Minhyun even notice? Woojin sometimes asks himself. Sometimes he isn’t sure if Minhyun’s already drifted off into sleep or he’s just relaxing. But whenever Woojin pauses his movements and looks down at Minhyun and contemplates whether he should do it or not, Minhyun remains still for several long seconds, and Woojin is almost about ready to just lean down before Minhyun’s eyes flutter open and he looks at Woojin with an expectant but content gaze.

It’s now the nth time they’ve done this, and each and every moment makes Woojin more tempted and Minhyun more motivated. Sometimes Minhyun is so relaxed that for a brief moment he sees himself reaching out and pulling Woojin down for a kiss and the thought just seems so natural that he almost does it, lifting up his hand for a bare second before forcibly dropping it down in realization.

Woojin doesn’t know how far Minhyun is willing to let him push things, and this doubt causes a bit of terror in him. He’s already been allowed to sit on Minhyun’s waist while his hands roam, and he’s already been allowed to splay his palms against Minhyun’s chest when he hugs him from behind. Would Minhyun let him lay down and press his ear against his chest and listen to his heartbeat, or would that be crossing some invisible boundary? Would Minhyun let him rest his cheek on his chest and fall asleep just like that? It can’t be out of the question; after all, Woojin has taken plenty of naps with Minhyun close up against him.

But if there’s anything in this relationship that he’s learned from the past several weeks, it is that there is never any sort of rejection from Minhyun, for some odd reason. This fact makes Woojin feel more adventurous when it comes to interacting with his hyung, but at the same time, it instills a bit of fear in him that Minhyun just wants to satisfy him and one day he’ll have hit his limit.

Although no matter how hard Woojin keeps an eye out for warnings, they just never come, and Minhyun is always as attentive and willing as ever, the affection evident in his smile and his hands.

Woojin knows the only thing he has to do is ask, but if he asks, there is also no way he can take back his question or his intent.

Minhyun looks like he’s already fallen asleep, although Woojin thinks he’s probably just relaxing. Even though he’s stopped his movements, maybe Minhyun didn’t notice, or maybe he really is sleeping, Woojin can’t tell. He puts both his hands on Minhyun’s chest, slowly and carefully adjusting his position as he leans down, looking to his right. His ear presses against Minhyun’s chest, and for a second or two he hears nothing but the rushing of his own blood, but the next moment, he recognizes it.

Minhyun doesn’t move, but Woojin knows that he’s aware what’s happening, because a hand runs through his hair before resting on his head, fingers threaded through the strands. _Okay,_ Woojin can imagine Minhyun saying. Woojin can also almost hear himself saying _thanks,_ but it doesn’t sound quite right, because he simultaneously feels like there’s nothing he should be thanking Minhyun for. Perhaps it’s because Minhyun isn’t doing him favors. There’s incentive for the both of them.

* * *

It’s not just a speculation that Woojin is more open to physical touch with Minhyun than before, if that were even possible. Maybe it’s just that he’s gotten more upfront with it. He knows he doesn’t need to skirt around the boundary and employ fake subtlety that really no one else believes unless they were truly gullible. The rest of the boys don’t particularly care. They were all aware a long time ago that Woojin has those grabby hands for Minhyun, the kind of hands full of excitement that a small child would have upon being presented with a candy bar. The only difference now is that Woojin is at the butt of more of Jisung’s cooing, which once was a bit shameful to him, but now he’s learned that he shouldn’t care. This is just another one of his hyungs’ ways of showing affection. This is just Jisung telling him that he’s happy he’s gotten so close with Minhyun.

In fact, maybe Minhyun is the one who has more shame now. He always seems to be someone who’s very unfazed at any sort of extra attention people give him, whether positive or negative, although now that a valid and good-hearted reason to tease him is even more obvious than before, he carries it with him by the means of a sheepish grin and a tinting of pink on his face that could either be because of the humid Seoul weather or because of other reasons.

For now, Woojin is reclining against him. They’re slouched together in a lump on the couch, a fan sitting on the coffee table and a fan sitting atop the TV turned on max directly facing them. Daehwi was, at one point, sitting at the foot of the couch, and Woojin used to be able to see his friend’s head over the edge of his stomach and the couch cushions, but now Daehwi’s disappeared. If Woojin were to lift himself up, he’d see Daehwi napping away on the floor (the carpet is noticeably cooler, and Woojin himself would be sleeping there too if not for the fact he remembers that Jaehwan spilled a bowl of goldfish on the carpet, didn’t manage to clean up all the crumbs, and now he’s quite sure there’s a mountain of ants eating away at goldfish crumbs somewhere).

He thinks about him and Minhyun, mind hazy and the sound of the TV drowning into background noise. This time around, he doesn’t reminisce of the first time he saw Minhyun shirtless beneath those blinding stage lights. Now, his mind is just filled with the images and sensations of Minhyun beneath his palms. But to him, Minhyun is more than just his body, and the last couple of months has made him truly realize that. He thinks about the kind of draw he has towards Minhyun, and he wonders if Minhyun experiences that too. He thinks about all those times he stopped for several long moments, contemplating hard about whether he should just do it and kiss Minhyun. But each and every time, he stops. He knows it isn’t because of the typical fear that Minhyun would hate him or that he’d make things awkward that holds him back. It’s from a fear of not knowing what will happen, not just in terms of Minhyun’s reaction, but his own too. Would Woojin be making a mistake and just acting without thinking? Or is something as simple as a kiss supposed to mean something?

If it does mean something, then doesn’t all of this--all of whatever he has with Minhyun already, all of the times he’s sat there and run his hands over Minhyun’s skin--mean something too? It could mean something far more than a kiss ever would.

That’s what Woojin’s scared of, but at the same time, the allure of possibility and curiosity always keeps him thinking about the topic. After all, curiosity was what drove him to approach Minhyun in the first place, and this is where he has landed.

He cracks open an eye and raises his chin. Minhyun’s right where he was when Woojin closed his eyes -- head hanging and dozed off. Woojin shifts his position, finding a more comfortable way he can rest his head on Minhyun’s torso. There is no reaction from Minhyun. Perhaps he actually is sleeping, Woojin thinks. Maybe it’s not like any of those times Minhyun just closed his eyes because he was content and relaxed.

The possibility presents itself to Woojin, clearer than ever. Would Minhyun wake up if Woojin put a hand on the back of his head, pressed himself up, and kissed him?

Woojin could just do it. What’s the chance that Minhyun would notice anyways? He seems to be sound asleep.

Unlike the movies, it happens terribly fast for him. One moment he’s reaching up to run his hand through the hair at the back of Minhyun’s head, and the next moment he’s kissing Minhyun, who smells like summer and sleep and too many possibilities.

He lets Minhyun go more gracefully than he could have hoped. Even though his hands are shaking, he doesn’t make any clumsy or sudden movement, and he’s just dropping his arm back into his lap, staring up at Minhyun’s face.

But the next second runs exactly like it does in the movies. Maybe even slower than they portray in the movies, Woojin thinks.

Minhyun blinks his eyes open. It takes too long for his gaze to lock on Woojin’s eyes. Panic begins to rise in Woojin’s throat. To him, time is moving so slowly, and so the two seconds that Minhyun takes to stare at him is more like an awkward, long silence. The feeling that he’s done something wrong immediately begins to rise in his gut.

“I-” he stutters, fumbling for words to try to explain himself, except he really has no explanation. “G-Good morning?”

Minhyun laughs, the sound summery and easy, but unlike the humidity, airy. “Good morning,” he replies.

Woojin almost croaks as his mouth turns into an anxious grin. He wants to say something, but _what_ can he say?

Luckily enough, Minhyun begins to speak again.

“Since that was my good morning kiss, can I expect a goodnight kiss later too?”

Woojin almost chokes, but that’s because he started laughing too suddenly. “That’s-” he wheezes, “that sounds so _greasy,_ hyung.”

Minhyun almost looks offended for a moment, although Woojin knows he’s just faking it. “What else did you expect me to say?” he asks.

“Huh,” Woojin hums. This is his chance to say something that doesn’t sound stupid for once. This is his chance to not let his emotions dictate his words. This is his chance to say what he’s thinking too and not only what he’s feeling.

He takes a deep breath, calming the racing of his blood in his ears.

“If you wanted another kiss, hyung, you could’ve just asked me.”

“Okay.” This is a word Minhyun says all too often, but to Woojin’s ears, it sounds a bit different. What he says, next, however, is something that he almost never says.

“Can I?”

This time around, it is Woojin saying the _okay._ This time around, it is Woojin agreeing.

* * *

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> i took like a month to write this and i'm so sorry
> 
> originally it _was_ intended to be nsfw, but it didn't turn out that way and honestly i'm fine with that


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